Challenge Accepted

So yesterday, while surfing Facebook, posts kept coming up on my page about a 365 day writing challenge one of my friends was going to start. I kept scrolling by, trying to ignore it. TRYING...very hard to ignore it. 

We all know Our Lord, will not let us ignore something he has designed for US....so after seeing these posts about 30 times...I accepted the challenge. 

I'm telling you all right now, that I've accepted a challenge to write for 365 days. 

I'm not sure how well this will go, but I'm going to try it. 

I'm going to struggle, I'm going to fight, I'm going to kick and scream, I'm going to hate it. 

but I'm going to listen. 

I'm going to become a better writer. 

I'm going to do this for my Lord and Savior, I guess its the least I can do right?

I hope you all enjoyed His Birthday. 

Wishing you a blessed New Year. 

~*Signing off*~

#warriorprincessKJ

#write365

"Its Broken"

For those of you who I've actually talked about this blog with, you understand where I've been. You know I've been hiding. I've been avoiding this blog like the plaque...I hate it. I'm truly sorry to say I hate writing.

This is not something that I have EVER wanted to do! I'm not a writer I'm a numbers girl...let's do some long division....please, just not with that area model stuff because that is just a waste of time!

Well I'm sitting up tonight with my daughter who has no desire to sit down and relax, she would rather go go go go go. So instead of forcing her to go to sleep, we tried letting her cry it out tonight...but after 45 minutes of constant screaming, we chose to let her get up. So here I am at 12:30 still up and trying hard to stay that way until my little one crashes.

So I was trying to come up with something to waste my time on...I've been on Facebook for awhile, I was on my Jamberry site for a bit, but I've ran out of goofing off to do...so I had this heart nudge to write, but write about what?? I had no idea. I still truly don't!

However a few weeks ago, during my session with my therapist, we got to talk about my blog and my writing. We came up with a plan, and part of that plan was #RestoredNotBroken.

So here I am trying to figure out if I can find something to do instead of head over here to the blog, when my daughter hands me her toy ice cream come and says "its broken".

So I fixed it and all has been Restored. #RestoredNotBroken...

What is this new hashtag all about??

It all started with a necklace, A broken necklace that I should have returned.....

This necklace was bought, and when I brought it home and took it out to wear it the next day...I noticed a stone missing. So said necklace sat in the bag waiting to be returned for a month.

One day I noticed the bag, and thought I would go return it that day, however, as I reached for that bag to go. I heard a voice...clear as day..."Kyla, do not return that necklace it is broken, just like you were, and I have accepted you anyway" No one was home with me....It could truly have only come from one place. My God. I also heard "wear it and remember what I've done for you"

I quite frequently will wear my broken necklace, and while it is #Broken it as been #Restored in that I have accepted it how it is and it is mine.

Just like My God did for me. I was a #broken person...a truly #Broken person, when God accepted me for who I was. Actually he accepted me before I was #Broken, before I was alive, before I was a thought on anyone's radar...he accepted me the night HIS ONLY SON DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME.

He Restored my broken self with his Unbroken self.

So I've set out on a new journey...I will take photos of broken things. See if it makes my writing come to me. So far the only broken thing I have photographed is the dark entryway...because well the light bulb went out..so its #Broken. Some day it will be #RestoredNotBroken and then...like when God #Restores, the light will take over the darkness and life will be easier in that small spot in my world.

I'm going to try #Restore bedtime in this house...I'm exhausted. I hope this makes sense...I'm not sleeping well to begin with and just letting my thoughts run here...sorry RAW #WarriorPrincessKJ is what you got tonight!

~*Signing Off*~
#warriorprincessKJ

Sorry.

For those of you who have been worrying about me...I'm still alive!

I'm sorry I've seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. I've been processing things.

Lots of things.

I was just looking on facebook and saw this post by Natalie Grant regarding her song "Clean"

I've spent hours today, reading every single comment about my song "Clean". Tears have streamed down my face and I've...
Posted by Natalie Grant on Monday, October 26, 2015

I was reading the last line: There's NOTHING too dirty that HE can't make worthy. He is the King of the world and His grace does not have an expiration date.

That basically sums up for me how my thoughts about myself changed on October 18, 2014

I had been seeing myself as dirty for 13 years, unworthy of basically anything good. Then I realized, that no. God has MADE me worthy, he has made me clean. I can't wait to buy this album by Natalie Grant and listen to you daily to be reminded that He Made Me Whole, Clean and Worthy again. 

The only person that can do that is God himself, no person on earth can fill those voids. 

I got to thinking then, that maybe someone out there in my blog world is feeling unworthy, unclean, and unwanted tonight. 

I want you to know that you are WANTED! and the one that wants you can make you WORTHY and CLEAN and WHOLE! All you have to do is trust in him. 

His Name is Jesus Christ, he wanted you so much he died for you! 

Do you know anyone that loves and wants you so much they would truly do that for you? Any human being? I can honestly tell you I don't think my husband even loves me that much.

I'll leave you with that. 

~*Signing off*~
#warriorprincessKJ

Thank You

I've been wanting to reach out to all my readers and just say a big

THANK YOU!

So many of you reached out this past week and let me know you were reading, and that you care. I am very thankful for that. I hope my story touched you in some way. I hope it didn't make you feel sorry for me, I hope it just helped you learn a little more about me, and my loving savior Jesus Christ. 

I also need to say thank you to the ladies who helped me edit my story. You were all amazing! You had such great insight and were so supportive. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

I don't normally edit my blog entries but because of the importance of this one I wanted guidance, and you wonderful friends gave me that. 

This story wasn't hard to write, write it correctly with correct grammar and punctuation that was hard.  It was hard to put out there, it was hard to think people would actually read it and care. It was a hard task to listen to God in that aspect of it. However, after MONTHS of fighting with him, I finally listened. I put myself out there for the world to see, and so far I've only been blessed by it. 

God is faithful, and his Love endures forever, of coarse he would make sure I was blessed through doing something HE wanted me to do. 

"The steadfast love of the Lord never cease, his mercies never come to an ed; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV

Now I ask  Pray..What's next God? Where are you leading me? What are we going to do next?

I'm looking forward to the next step with God, and knowing I have told my story, I'm not lying anymore. I'm not hiding part of me from my family and friends. 

I am me.

A fighter for God's army. 

A child of a King.

#warriorprincesssKJ

For those of you who would like to read my story again or would like to share it with someone, you will find it over to the left. Under the Page title Church goer to rape victim to Child of the King!  Please if you know someone who could benefit from my story share it with them. Help them to know that they are not dirty and they have nothing to be ashamed of, and they are truly loved! 

My Story-Part 6

Continually Trusting God in Blessing and Strife

Eventually, like with most marriages, Ben and I desired to expand our family.  We tried and tried and tried. For six months we tried. I know that doesn't seem like a long time, but when 13 (yes, I counted one day) of your closest friends are all expecting or unexpectedly expecting, six months seems like forever.

I haven't mentioned before is that Ben already had a child when we got married. AB is a sweet, loving, innocent boy. AB’s mom is not in our life—we rarely hear from her even when we try contacting her. 

During this time of not being able to get pregnant, I was constantly reminded of how easy it was for AB’s mom to get pregnant and how easy it was for her to leave him behind. In my heart of hearts, I wanted to have a child grow inside of me and I would love them forever and ever—but for whatever reason I couldn’t get pregnant and she so easily could. It didn’t seem fair. Why was God doing this to me?

Are you noticing a pattern: When things go wrong I'd just jump to blaming God. 

So why wasn’t I getting pregnant? At 21,I was diagnosed with stage four endometriosis, along with it's evil twin Interstitial Cystitis. Luckily, my gynecologist was very proactive and said we would only have to try on our own for six months, then she would send us to a specialist. 

Six months came and went, and off to a fertility specialist we went. 

But, I began to see we were leaning on ourselves and the world for we wanted, so I decided to pray. Wherever I could find people willing to pray for me, I asked them to pray for I would get pregnant. I wanted a child of my own to connect with more than anything.  

Maybe to fill that void again? 

Test after test proved I also had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I wondered if this was God's way of getting back at me for having sex before marriage. I cried out to Him, in desperation for a child. I, of course, know now that God doesn’t get back at us. He doesn’t strike us down because of what we’ve done. If that was the case he wouldn't have sent his ONE AND ONLY child to die on a cross just so to strike us down. Instead, He sent His son to save us, because He loves us. We see this in the Bible, in the Book of John. 

 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.  (John 3: 16-17 ESV)

Soon after I realized that God was not punishing me, but indeed he Love me, I started treatment for my PCOS, we were able to conceive a beautiful little girl!

 And oh, did the Lord know I would need a little girl. Don’t get me wrong—my son, AB, is amazing, but he is all BOY! He is a stinky, dirty, play with bugs and do sports type of boy. He won't sit and color with me, he won't cook with me, he doesn't enjoy doing girlie things with me. But, our daughter, EJ, is a tutu wearing, baby doll playing, girlie girl. In fact as I sit her typing this, she has: played doctor on me, colored me a picture and sat down next to me just to hang out. Okay, even though she is totally girlie girl, she totally adores her big brother and all that he does, she gets dirty right along with him, then realizes she is dirty and yells about it. The two together are quite the package for this momma. 

Every Season a New Chapter with God

Ben and I have now been married for five and a half years. AB is nine and EJ is two. We have recently uprooted our family and moved from the midwest to the south. We've had to rely more on God now then we have before as we don't have family here and we have a small, but growing, community of believers in our lives. 

This move is just another season in our life, but it has helped me to truly see God moving. He didn’t just start moving—He’s been moving ever since that I was born. Throughout my childhood of going to church and not really understating the Bible stories, verse, confirmation classes, and more. He was building a foundation for later. Throughout my teenage years of messing up, getting hurt, and being angry at Him, He was working it so that I’d eventually give Him my whole life. And throughout my early adult years he was also working so as a family we’d depend on Him in every good and bad situation. 

As you read my blog and watch me grow, I hope you will see him move in my life and in your life as well. Thank you for reading my story. Remember its not over, its just beginning of another chapter.

In Him

#warriorprincessKJ

My Story-Part 5

Not Happily Ever After, but Better

It could be easy to think that after marrying Ben everything would be like a fairy tale. But that’s not really what happened for us—in fact it wasn’t even a fairy tale honeymoon. Or much of a honeymoon at all!

I like to make sure Ben knows we never got a real honeymoon. Even if we could redo it, later in marriage, it’s just called vacation. Here’s what happened…

On the plane from Minnesota to Texas, Ben asked me for the vomit bag. Before I knew what he wanted, I was covered.  We changed out of our puke covered clothes on our layover in Texas, but at the gate for our flight to Mexico, Ben got sick again, and threw up three more times. 

I was freaking out wondering what was going on with my new husband, should we be going to Mexico, what are we thinking? But Ben felt ready to go, so we boarded the plane. Sitting on the plane to Mexico, I looked over at ben and he was gray, about to pass out. I paged the flight attendant. Asked her if we could have a cold wash cloth, he wasn’t feeling good, he kind of felt like he was going to pass out. Flight attendant by day, nurse by night, she asked, “does he fly a lot, maybe he is just nervous?” My response, “Well, he is a pilot.” 

Instantly, a doctor and physician’s assistant sitting around us came to our aid. The flight attendant, knowing something wasn’t right, set in motion a gate return and had an ambulance called. At the emergency room, Ben was diagnosed with a stomach bug, and dehydration. 

We were not going to Mexico. We spent the first night of our honeymoon far from Mexico in a hotel room, that cost less than the room service we ordered.  We flew home the next day, but not together. I flew home and Ben had to use his original ticket back to Minnesota, as he was scheduled to go back to work right after our week in Mexico. Do you know anyone else who got to have dinner with JUST their in-laws on their honeymoon? Not my husband, just his parents. It was sweet and it is something we can laugh at now, but at the time, I was so angry. 

So our honeymoon was far from a fairy tale. All I can remember is wondering, why? Why, Lord, why?

Why did I not get to go on a honeymoon? After the stress of planning a wedding at a long distance and the stress of graduating and finding a real job, that was all I was looking forward to. I was so disappointed, I was so discouraged, I was so angry! I still don’t know why things happened the way they did. 

What I do know, is that God did not want us to go to Mexico, and he made sure we didn’t make it. 

But the marriage is more important than the wedding and honeymoon, right? That was no fairy tale right away either. As good as our relationship started by going to church and me coming to Christ, our marriage started differently.

Ben and I were surviving, getting along, doing things on our own and certainly not relying on God. Six months into marriage Ben lost his medical certificate—major thing a pilot needs to fly. When a pilot loses his medical certificate, he stops being able to work. Wow! Did we ever find ourselves in trial!

We were newly married, trying to figure out how to live with each other, and supporting ourselves. We were no longer being taken care of by our parents and we also no longer had two paychecks.  And my job didn’t even cover my student loan debt, let along our daily bills. 

How would this work? How could we survive? What should we do?

Notice the questions floating through our minds: They were asking how we would do it, not how He would do it. This was the first time I realized we weren’t relying on God in our marriage. We weren’t doing it right. This is the first time I remember turing to God—really turing to God. 

We made a lot of plans. We made plans for ourselves by ourselves. The plans weren’t made by God, but by just us. Every plan we made fell apart. I no longer felt married—I felt like I shared a bed with a male roommate. We were not talking to each other well. We were not making plans together. We were talking to everyone but the two people we needed to be to talk to—each other and God. I screamed out to God so confused and so lost.

One bright spot in Ben being laid off from work, was he was home on weekends, which meant we could attend church together. We were able to try out a different church we had been interested in. It happened to be Adoption Sunday and the Lord spoke to us both, he told us both we belonged at that church, that He wanted us there. We looked at each other in the car and just both knew that we had both felt the same thing. 

God was working in us. We started relying on God more than ourselves. Ben ever got his medical back and was able to fly again. God was paving paths for us. 

My Story-Part 4

Unfillable Void

Life continued on after my confession. However, I also continued to try fill the void in my heart. Later I found out this void was because I was missing a relationship with Jesus Christ, but I didn’t know that at the time. So instead of Christ, I found Tony.

 Tony was grand. He was a big tough guy with a sensitive side. I told him my story. I told him I wasn’t ready, and he held me while I cried. He helped me work through the pain. He even basically quoted my brother. So I felt I had a strong man that would protect me should Chris ever show up again. But no man can truly fill that void. I saw a future with Tony, so I started clinging to him like I should have been clinging to God. This pushed Tony away, right into another girl’s bed. 

Then I met Garrett. and found my way into his arms and his bed. Garrett wanted me and I wanted to be wanted.  So even though he tore me away from all my friends, and close family and my parents hated him, that really didn’t matter. At 17, I thought I knew it all and I found someone who wanted me for me.

I transferred colleges to one near Garrett, but within a month it was over. Sadly, it took Garrett threatening to kill himself for my attention for me to wake up and realize I was in another abusive relationship. Only this time it was emotional and mental rather than physical, but it was abusive nonetheless.

 One week later I met Ben. Oh man, did Ben make my heart flutter! We met online, in a chat room, as with all the men before. Only, this time was different. 

A Fresh Start

By this point in my life, I started to see that something was missing from my life. I could tell that these boys weren’t comforting anymore. After high school graduation I had stopped going to church unless it was with family—but only then to please them. But now I wasn’t quite so mad at God and had started missing Him. 

Soon after we met, Ben picked me up for our first date. Boy, was he cute. He held open doors for me: dorm doors, car doors; if it was a door, Ben was holding it open. This was October 28 (that’s a familiar date!) we went to Applebee’s, he paid and I was in Love. The last two boys, never had money, both had full time jobs, but no money for dates. 

Then, for our second date, Ben took me to church. 

Can you believe it? Here I was a “mad at God” girl going to Church—on a date. I had been feeling that void stronger than ever, so when Ben invited me to church, I said, “Yes!” What was there to lose? 

Ben and I attended church together as much as we could. And guess what? The void in my heart began to fill! I started reading the Bible. I started spending time in prayer, searching, asking questions, and learning. I soon realized that I had never truly accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had never admitted to being a sinner and that I truly needed Him. 

October 28 is a significant day for me. It’s the day I was “confirmed” in my faith, and the day I met the man who would lead me to Christ. 

The day I saw my daddy cry for the second time, was the day Ben was waiting for me, at the end of the aisle, at the front of the Church, ready to become my husband and my forever partner. 

God had done a significant work in my life to bring me to this point where I trusted in Him for salvation and trusted in Him to fill my void. The wedding was beautiful. Our pastor shared the Gospel for the message, which was the most important thing to us besides our vows. 

My Story-Part 3

No God and No Attention

So there I was: 15 years old, no longer a virgin, no longer getting the attention I was seeking, and being told I should be pregnant.

So, of course I ran away from God, I mean, where else would a person go? 

To that guy who wants you to stay a virgin, yet doesn’t stop you from being raped? 

No way! I’m not stupid, I’m a smart 15 year old. 

I started withdrawing as much as I could from life without my parents figuring out something was up. I retreated to my bedroom to be alone. I stayed busy with school and activities. I still went to church, because that was the rule. I still taught Sunday school, I still went to confirmation class. These are things I HAD to do, or I would be in trouble with my mom and dad—and I didn’t need that. 

Six months later, my brother and I were walking to my car so I could take him to hockey, when I saw Chris’s car driving down our street. 

RED FLAGS WENT OFF ALL OVER!!!! 

For starters, Chris lived an hour and half away from my parent’s house. Secondly, my house was on a back, private road, there was no reason for Chris to be on that road because he didn’t know anyone else who lived there.

I told myself to stay calm. That it would be okay. My brother was there and Chris wouldn’t approach if I wasn’t alone. Only…I was going to be alone, after I dropped my brother off at hockey. I don’t remember what happened the drive to hockey or home from hockey. I just remember running inside as quick as I could.

 I HAD TO TELL THEM. 

They needed to know. 

If he was going to start showing up I needed protection. 

My mom was really upset with me and I remember that being the only time I had ever seen my dad cry. 

We went to the doctor the next day to check everything out and then I had to go see a psychologist. I found out the state had to press charges against Chris for statutory rape, because the age range between us was too large by only two months.  I would have to tell my story to someone else. Luckily, I was able to do it in a private room, with one person and a video camera. But now all my lies were coming back to haunt me. When I answered the question “How did you really meet Chris?” I saw the look of disappointment on my parent’s faces, and the look of my dad crying. I will never forget it. I hadn’t seen him cry before then, and the only time since I’ve seen him cry was on my wedding day. 

I survived that year. A few friends knew what I was dealing with, but most people didn’t. I never talked about it with anyone other than my parents, the police and my doctors. I never even talked about it with my brother. He knew, because I told my parents they could tell him, but I didn’t want to talk about it. This, however, was the first time I knew my brother truly loved me. My mom told me my brother did not handle it well—he said, “If I ever see Chris again, I will hurt him.” Those were his exact words, but what he said was way more graphic none loving words, but words that felt like a giant hug in my heart from my little pesky brother. 

My Story-Part 2

Hating God

Don’t get me wrong. I loved going to Bible camp and youth gatherings and teaching Sunday school. I felt alive at youth gatherings, being with other people in the church, worshipping the Lord. What amazing feelings! God was Awesome. 

But a fateful summer day changed all that. 

I was in 10th grade when I made my confirmation, and no longer a virgin. I had been someone who was going to save herself for her husband, for marriage — just like I was taught in church was God’s plan. Actually, I had no desire to have sex with anyone until my wedding night. However, I was someone who the boys at school never looked at and I had poor self-esteem. Mix this with access to the internet and I became someone who could easily be taken advantage of.  

I started looking for attention from boys in online chat rooms. Chris was an older boy and I liked his attention; I had found someone to “love” me. Someone to fill the empty spaces in my heart. Rather than turning to God and letting Him do that. 

Chris and I saw each other a few times, before that fateful summer day. I had lied to my parents about how I met him. I made up an elaborate story about how I had met him at an out of town volleyball match that they didn’t attend. They believed me, because I was a ‘good kid’ who did the right things, I didn’t get into trouble, and I hadn’t proven I couldn’t be trusted. 

That fateful day, my brother had a baseball game that just happened to be in Chris’ hometown. Well, of course I wanted to go! I talked my parents into letting me hang out with Chris instead of actually going to the baseball game. Chris took me back to his house where we weren’t supposed to go. He had a tent all set up—big plans it seemed. 

This should have been a big red flag and I should have bolted faster than any human being could have! But come on now, I was an overweight girl who was finally getting attention from—gasp—a boy! Besides, Chris knew my feelings about sex. He knew I was a virgin and I wasn’t ready. 

When I saw the tent in his yard, he told me it was there because he had spend the night out there. He figured we could just hang out in private, away from his brother. Say it with me—RED FLAG!

I should have been thinking, What in the world, girl! Get your fat butt of here! 

But I wasn’t. 

I believed him and I liked the attention he gave me.

We started kissing, honestly, I don’t remember much about him, but he was a terrible kisser. Like seriously terrible! I’m so sad that my first kiss was from him. One thing led to another and he started asking for more. This went on for more than an hour. Every time I answered no, he asked again. Finally. He got sick of asking and I got sick of hearing the question, and he talked me into it. 

He forced me into having sex. 

I lost my virginity that fateful afternoon.

At that point I was the only one who knew my secret. I felt all alone, and I started hating God. 

Because of growing up in church I had learned that God expected me to save myself for marriage.

I began to question, How could a God that expected me to save myself, put me in a situation where a boy would not hear my “no” as truly “no”; how could he just leave me there all alone? 

I’ll tell you how: God didn’t put me in that situation. I gave into the temptation from Satan. I look back now, and I know I was being a naive 15 year old girl, but that does not make what he did right either, but that does not mean I was asking for it, or that I deserved it. 

It also does not mean that I am dirty because of what happened to me. 

Sadly, the situation happened again. This time, Chris used the excuse “why can’t we do it again—we’ve already done it?” By this point. I was already hating myself and I didn’t understand what was going on with me, so he just let himself take over me. 

But finally I wised up and figured out this was not the boy I wanted to be sleeping with. I remember the day I broke up with him, I explained to him that he had raped me. He disagreed and I had to explain to him that, 'yes, because he forced me into having sex with him, he in fact had raped me.' At which point he fired back with “I should have poked a hole in the condom.” 

My Story-Part 1

Hello my dear, dear readers!

The time has come! The time we have all been waiting for...okay the time God has been waiting for. Here comes My Story!

Now it is 10 pages long, so I will be posting it in chunks over the next several days. I will not be signing off these posts, so please don't think I forgot! #warriorprincessKJ

Would you keep praying for me as I post these? This is me being obedient to God, and we all know Satan does not approve of that, so I could use prayers, lots of prayers. 

Alright, here we go...

Here is part one!

Raised in the Church, but not Saved.

Despite attending church, Sunday school, Bible camps, Vacation Bible School, and youth groups regularly throughout my childhood, I was never really saved. 

This is my story— God’s story of how He saved me and how I came to know Him. 

I was born to two loving parents on November 13. Eleven days later I experienced infant baptism. From that point on, I attended church and Sunday school regularly.  In third grade I went to a special Sunday School class to earn my first Bible. We went through every book of the Bible and talked about a specific verses in each book. However, I can not tell you about any of them.

In fifth grade, I went through first communion class and received my first communion. I still have my special first communion cup that I used that day, but I can’t tell you anything else about that day.  Until I truly understood what communion symbolized, it never really mattered.

There are two things I clearly remember about growing up in the church. One was in sixth grade. My Sunday school teacher asked my class how we thought our parents would react if we were to be put in Mary’s shoes and be blessed a virgin mother. I knew without a doubt, my parents would believe me and they would still love and accept me. I think I was the only one in class that thought that way, and my teacher questioned my thoughts. 

My second memory was from confirmation classes in eighth grade. This meant on Wednesday nights, I had to attend confirmation class or participate in youth group weekly. This was not something I choose to do. What really truly was the importance of it, I don’t think I’ll ever know. I’m sure it wasn’t to memorize that memory verse for one week in order to win those SPAM sunglasses that we all coveted. (Which I did in fact win, probably wore them once, and have no clue now where they are, or what verse I ‘memorized’ to win them.) Regardless, I took the classes and on  October 28, 2001, I was confirmed. I remember the date because the date is written in the Bible, my grandparents MorMor and Papa gave me— and this date would be come significant later in life too. 

Aside from these memories there’s not much else I can tell you about growing up in the church, but I can tell you by that point in my life, I was just going through the motions. I was living life the way my parents wanted me to, not that way I wanted to. I was doing what I had to do to get by.

So this happened...

Hey everyone!

Sorry it has been awhile since I've posted.

Something super awesome happened today....

I was BAPTIZED!!! but not only was I baptized, so was my husband, B, and our son, AB!!!!

As our pastor explains, Baptism is an outward sign of your decision to follow Christ. It does not make you a Christ follower, it just tells the world, that you have chosen that. He refers to his wedding ring, saying the ring does not make you married, it just tells the world you are taken.

While some people in my life, will not understand my desire to get baptized again, I felt that it was the thing to do, after walking away from Christ at 15. (That story is coming I promise! Waiting on 2 more readers then it goes public.)

I have since accepted Christ, and have been following him truly for 5 years. In April when our church was doing Baptism at Easter my heart strings were pulled, so when the possibility to be baptized came around again, I jumped at the chance!

It was a great day, and as I heard an older man tell a teenage that was in line ahead of me, "This will be the best day of your life, I promise you will not have a better day" I teared up. Its true, well my wedding day was pretty awesome, and the day EJ was born was fantastic...okay well that day wasn't but what came of it was.

Today...today marks the day I showed the world I'm truly a Child of Christ, A princess, who will continue to fight for her Savior!

#warriorprincessKJ
Here is Pastor Derwin Gray and myself before baptism.  The TC on our shirts stands for Transformation Church, the church that after next weekend, I will be a Member/Owner of, so fun! I seriously Love TC!!!!

Here is Me getting Baptized!

 Here is B getting baptized!

 And here is AB getting baptized, I love the look of Pride on B's face, and check out my hands...I'm so pumped!! Go AB!

Do things just come to you?

Hey! 

I was reading a post today on Facebook about September 11, 2001. 

The first thing that popped into my head about that day was the poem I wrote for the assembly at school. I hadn't thought about that in years!!!

I went searching the internet, because I knew I had posted it online at some point in my life. 

Guess what?!

I found it! And a bunch of others that I wrote back then. 

We were studying poetry in Communications class and I had to write poems. 

I went through a phase after that and wrote a few more poems. I've posted them over here. 

However, 

Here is the one I wrote for America

America

America, 50 states, 1 nation 
America, full of freedom 
America, struck my terrorism 
America, 50 states, 1 nation 
All Unite to fight terrorism 
America, full of pride, faith, hope, sorrow 
America, stong, hopeful we will recover 
America, freedom forever 
America, 50 states, 1 nation, all united 
Freedom forever!

I will never forget September 11, 2001, and how scared I felt. I knew no one at any of the sites that were attacked, but I felt like my world was falling apart. 

Looking back, I can see why I would have felt like my world was falling apart, my country that I love, had fallen under attack, and was headed to war. And I didn't truly know my Lord and Savior. 

If I would have died at that time, I would have gone to hell, I'm sure of it. 
I hadn't accepted Christ. I hadn't admitted to being a sinner and needing a savior. 

I am so thankful that now, no matter what, I know I'll be in heaven, because now, I know Him. 
I know He loves me and I love him. 

Do you know Him? See you there!
Would you like to know Him? Reach out to your local church, find a bible study, find someone who knows him and ask for help! You are LOVED! Please know that!

#warriorprincessKJ

Didn't we talk about this already?

You guys!

It was pointed out to me today that I have not been listening to my directions to write.

I've been hiding behind the fact that I wrote my story, but I can't post it yet, because I'm getting it edited.

I'm using that as a crutch, that I don't have to write, because the ball isn't in my court right now.

This really isn't okay.

How would I, as a parent, respond to my children who acted this way?

Not well I"m sure.

Why should God be any different?

Well, because he is the most loving, forgiving parent there is, but because he is sovereign he has made sure I know that I have been  in the wrong. However, he hasn't done it in a way to make me feel bad...he did it through a OBS sister, and her own ministry on writing. Nothing she said or did was directed at me, she didn't even know I'd be watching. God did. He knew I'd be there and he gave her the words to say to get to me. To get my attention.

I am here Lord. Use me, show me, your path for me. PLEASE!

Y'all...will you head over to my facebook page and leave a comment about what you would like me to write about? I'm struggling with topics. It would probably be easier to come up with them if my whole heart was in this writing thing, and it was something I wanted to do.

Don't get my wrong, I want to do it, because it is what The Lord wants from me. However, it is very hard for my imperfect, sinful by nature, human self to want to do it. I keep hearing satan tell me lies. Like: "you suck as a writer" " you shouldn't write, english was your worst class", "do you even know how to spell?" "you don't know where to put punctuation!" and the biggie "nobody cares about what you have to say"

I know someone out there cares about what I have to say, God has given me this task, and he cares.

So I'm reaching out to my loyal readers...help me with topics please?!

Signing off
#warriorprincessKJ

Listen, Would you?!

I got annoyed today.

Like really, really annoyed. (sorry for the valley girl impression)

My children would not listen.
I kept having to repeat myself, like every other normal day in my house.
However, today it really annoyed the crap out of me. I think it was because it was both of them on the same day at the same time.

It was lunch time, they wouldn't sit down. One was running off to play the piano, one wouldn't stop chasing the one running to play the piano. I just wanted them to sit down.

I was getting something out of the fridge when I said to myself under my breath "just one day, I just want one day when they both listen all day."

Then I heard as clear as day, "Me too KJ, me too." I swear it was God, telling me its time to start listening too.

I bet as tired as I get as a mom, God is the ultimate parent, think of all the kids he has to watch daily, it has to be exhausting being him. I mean I know he is like the ultimate superhero and probably never really gets tired, but it has to be hard to watch his kids turn away from him time and time again.

Take me for example I've been hearing him since October tell me its time to use my rape story for something good. Since April he has been telling me to write it. I finally this week finished it. 4 months later, and 10 months later since it all began.

I really didn't want to write it, and not really because I didn't want to go through it all again, more because I don't think writing is my thing. In fact I know writing is not my thing. If you've been following my blog for any time or just reading this post today, you can probably tell writing is not my thing!

I'm also a bit worried about the what happens next, what will come of my writing it out? Probably nothing, and I hate doing things for no reason, especially when its something I don't want to do in the first place.

Will you join me in prayer tonight about our listening skills?

Father,
I come to you tonight tired and cranky for my family does not hear me, but Lord, I know you do. Thank you for always listening, and being there. Thank you for letting me hear you today, and help me to continue to hear you louder than the world. Help me to Listen the first time and not the 10,000 time. Help me to be an example to my children of a listening person, a caring person, a less annoyed person. Help me to Love them and hear them the way you do.
Amen

#warriorprincessKJ

For those of you wondering about the status of my story, it is written. However it is being proofread by a few friends for me. I do have plans to post it, I'm just not sure when and how but it is coming.
Thank you for praying for me with this subject.

Update

My story has been written.

However, before I post it, I've given it to the top two people who interviewed for the job as my editor...alright let's be honest, I've given it to two friends who offered to help me out. God Bless Them!

Also, I'm feeling ready to do another five away... When I get 100 likes on my Facebook page, I will draw a winner for an experience guide to whatever #first5 study is being done at that time, or something else of my choosing. It is my giveaway after all. :)

So go like my WarriorPrincessKJ page and then share, share, share!!!

Thanks!

#warriorprincessKJ

Prayers needed

Hey.

So, as I've hinted to on this blog. God has told me to write, and he continues to use a few people to show me that, one person in particular, I hope you know who you are, He seems to use more often than others. I want you to know it is a good thing, I need nudging and I'm super thankful for you Ms. SS :)

I was talking with Ms. SS this evening via text messages when my phone died..and I was forced to head to the computer to finish that conversation. Which then led me to opening my file on my computer titled "My Story". 

This is the document I started a few months ago, that really is only 8 pages long, and I haven't looked at in weeks. 

I don't feel ready to post it. It's not finished. 

I do feel like God is telling me to post it. 

I'm having an internal struggle.

Could you please pray for me? I know someone out there needs to hear my story, why else would God want me to put it out there. Even if it is just me who needs it to be out there. But, am I really ready to open that can of worms? Am I really ready to move on and no longer keep my story a secret, just between me and God?

So here is the deal: You pray for me, and I pray about this..and maybe this week it will get done? Yeah? Also, if you tell me in the comments or contact me ways I can be praying for you I will do that. Even if you don't want to pray for me; I'd love to pray for you. 

Good night readers.

#warriorprincessKJ

Home

Hey Readers! (Does my addressing you as my readers seem weird to you? I never know how to start off a post!)

So I typed this up and never posted it. Sorry this is from 2 weeks ago!

I just really have to tell you a story...

Since we moved in April to South Carolina, we've been attending Transformation Church. We went once, and were hooked, haven't looked back. 

Well, then our pastor went on a preaching sabbatical. We figured this would be a good time to maybe just look at other churches, a little closer to home. So after a few summer travels, we went to a different church last weekend. AB loved the kid's portion of it, but B and I we were a little hesitant, just didn't feel right to us. Nothing wrong with the church, in fact that message was great, and I loved being able to attend a smaller church with neighbors. People I knew!

However, I decided I would attend our normal church today. Walking in, I felt like I was coming home. Like I walked into a building that I truly belonged in. IT WAS AMAZING! It was also confirmed for me that I need look no more for another church. I will continue to make the drive and attended TC. 

As great as a feeling as that was, I can't help but think, how great it will be when I get to go to my real home, my home with God. 

I tried looking up a bible verse to quote, but I couldn't find one that spoke to my heart. 

I imagine going to heaven, walking into the gates, will feel like peace, I finally made it, this is where I belong, this is where my people are. 

I was nervous last weekend, but this weekend, I walked in and peace rushed over me, I think heaven will be like that, only 10 fold. 

Alright, so this was really random. As are my thoughts! I'm going to get them together and share more. 

Signing Off
#warriorprincessKJ

Announcements!

Good Afternoon! Happy Sunday!
I have two quick announcements of you all!

1. The winner of the Experience Guide to the book of John was drawn by random selection and the winner is: Krista L. Congrats Krista, and thank you everyone who entered!

2. The next Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study starts Sept 8. It is "Taming the To-Do List" By Glynnis Whitwer. This book isn't about your lists...its about actually getting your lists done! Prioritize your list, don't procrastate and Get God's to-do list done!
Will you join me in study?
Head over to Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies to sign up!

All right that is all I have for you at this point. I'm going to go clean our 3rd floor, so AB can have a sleep over....what have I gotten myself into?!?!?!

~*WarriorPrincessKJ*~

Forsaken

Happy Wednesday Readers!

So as you know…this whole writing thing has been something I’ve been fighting. However, I’ve finally given in and am trying it. So while talking with my wonderful Savior yesterday, I was asking him to show me what he wants me to write. This has been an ongoing conversation and after this specific talk I went about my day as usual. Until we got home from AB’s hockey; we were having a little discussion. AB was complaining about his hockey skates not being tight enough last night to skate. I asked him why that was.  He continued to say he didn’t know but it wasn’t HIS fault.

Now the problem with this statement is that he was implying it was MY fault. Now whether or not he really believed that I do not know. However, I had asked him 3 times in the locker room while he was getting ready to hit the ice if he needed any help. I was told in the not so nicest tone, that no, he did not want help. I even specifically asked if he needed me to tie his skates. I also asked him he is he wanted me to just leave the locker room, and I was told yes. 

So I did not quite think I was in the wrong here. I mean I asked if he needed help, I left when told. How was his skates not being tied tight enough, my fault? Well, I probably should have stuck around a little closer (I went off with EJ to the other side of the rink) and insisted I tie his skates, but when he is trying to get ready for hockey, I’ve noticed it’s easier to let him be and do it his way.

But after this discussion I got to thinking…how this was a perfect visual of my relationship with Christ at times.  How many times have I truly needed help and he has offered it but instead of taking it, I’ve done it on my own? Only to turn around and shove it in his face that he didn’t help me when needed? Luckily for me, my Spiritual helper is there always, he doesn’t leave me alone in the locker room of life to go take care of someone else.

Want to know something else? He won’t leave you either.

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. “Joshua 1:9

Did you know forsake means abandon? Right there he promised he will not abandon you or me! How great is that!? In this world where so many people let us down and leave us, we have the promise that Our God will not leave us ever! This Promise shows up in the bible, a whole bunch of times, we are so lucky!!!

~*Signing Off*~

#warriorprincessKJ