#prayingforearth

I don't watch the news.
I don't like sitting down to watch tv and having my world rocked.
I just don't.

Therefore, I get most of my news from social media.
I know...terrible.

I know things are going on in this world.

I know there is a gas shortage due to a pipeline break (from what I'm seeing on Facebook...a lot of people didn't know that)

I know there was a gunman up in St. Cloud Minnesota this weekend. (Where I did my internship portion of my degree)

I know there was a bombing in NYC this weekend.

I know there was a shooting between a white cop and a black man in Charlotte last night.

I know there was a protest regarding this.

I know the world is hurting.

I know we need to be praying.

Not for St. Cloud, not for NYC, not for Charlotte. We need to be praying for earth. For the world.

However, I'm only praying now for HIS KINGDOM to come. I'm tired of hurt, and darkness and evil. I'm ready for HIS kingdom to come to earth, for HIS will to be done on earth. For the hurt to go away for a world of light forever and ever.

I know we need Jesus.

We just do.

You Are Seen

Tomorrow will be a happy day for a lot of women in America. (I'm not sure if other countries celebrate Mother's Day or not. I don't know...)

However, there are some women out there whose hearts will break tomorrow. I know, because I was once one of them.

Four years ago my husband and I decided we were going to try grow our family, with no luck.

Four years ago, I watched 19 friends announce pregnancies on Facebook within weeks of each other.

Four years ago, I thought I was pregnant, only to find out that while it had happened, the egg did not stick and no, I truly wasn't pregnant, I just tested too early.

Four years ago, I learned I had PCOS on top of my already diagnosed stage four endometriosis.

Four years ago, I doubted I would ever be able to have a child of my own.

Four years ago, I sat in the back of a full church on Mother's Day listening to a sermon on Mothers.

Four years ago, I walked out of that sanctuary to go cry, because I was not going to have my own child and I could not handle all the emotions going on in me.

Four years ago, I learned just how hard Mother's Day can be.

I want you to know....You are Seen. I see you. GOD sees you hurting. He knows your hurts and your desires. He knows your plans, but his are greater.

I really don't know what else to say to you other than you are SEEN, and LOVED. That is what is pressing on my heart right now.

You may not be a Mother but

*You may be a Step-Mom raising a Child you loves you dearly and you are inspiring them and YOU ARE SEEN
*You may not be speaking to your child, or your child may not be speaking to you but YOU ARE SEEN
*You may be an aunt who influences your nieces and nephews and YOU ARE SEEN
*You may be a servant leader inspiring children and YOU ARE SEEN
*You may be a Friend inspiring someone and YOU ARE SEEN
*You may want nothing more than to feel the movement of a baby in your belly and tomorrow will be hard for you because you do not have that....but KNOW YOU ARE SEEN You are heard and you are LOVED!

On that note to all my reader's I wish you a Happy Mother's Day because not all mom give birth, so if you are touching the life of someone, you deserve to be wished a Happy Mother's Day, too. 

~*Signing Off*~
#warriorprincessKJ

Bathrooms....

Yes, Ladies and Gents, The bathroom you use in a public place has become a topic of great discussion in 2016.

Now, I need to be up front with you all and say that I don't know much about why this has become a debate. I was out of town when it went down in Charlotte.

What I know:
Voters in NC passed a law for transgender bathroom usage.
Government in NC said they don't have to follow what the voters said.
The world is now in an uproar.

I also need to say I don't know much about transgender people and how they come to be...other than that God made them, put them in someone's belly, and they showed up in the world. I mean I have kids...I do know that much ;)

So here is what else I know....

I was a victim of rape.

If I saw a man, or what I would presume to be a man based on looks, follow me into a bathroom, I would probably go in to a great big panic attack.

I would not feel safe.

Now I know what you are thinking "s/he wouldn't rape you" but how do I really know that? How do I really know that something awful won't happen to me in any public bathroom?

Well I know my friend Jesus, is watching out for me. I know he was watching out for me the day I was raped as well. However, I know I am human, and I know that because I am human, I some times experience fear and worry. I know I would be okay with transgender bathrooms.

Why can't they just have single stall bathrooms that just say restroom and anyone use them...no labels?

The other thing that bothers me about this whole thing, is that, while I know I would be uncomfortable in a transgender bathroom, I do not agree with the government saying they didn't have to listen to the voters.

I'm sure there was more in the bill then just the bathroom thing, because thats how bills work, and as I said before I don't know much about this whole situation.

But I am tired of hearing about it.
I am tired of thinking about what I would feel like being a 'guy' follow me into the bathroom.
I'm also tired of the world making a big deal about it, and the fact that prince died.

I know....#rampage is happening. I'm sore and cranky! I understand a famous guy passed away, and I know the world will miss his music...but seriously...thats all we have to talk about? The artist formally known as Prince passing, and bathrooms?!

*rant over*

~*Signing off*~
#warriorprincessKJ

accountability

Good afternoon,

Something happened at Teens last night, that I just have to share.

We are working through a series at church called "Hope Dealers". Its been an amazing series, where are you finding your hope, how to share your hope in Jesus with others, etc.

Well, yesterdays topic was on our identity and how we need to find our hope in who we are with Christ. However, what does that look like for a teen was the topic, etc. Now I know I'm not a teen...but I was really struck by a few of the questions, and at the end, we discussed what sins are holding us back from living the life Jesus created for us.

It was put on my heart yesterday my disobedience towards writing.

So when asked to write down that sin that is holding us back, I wrote down disobedience.

I decided to give it over to The Lord, because it is only through His power that I am able to write, that I am able to give up being disobedient.

I'm asking you, my readers, to help me out with this. I'm telling you straight up that I need help. I am very disobedient when it comes to writing. I don't understand the calling. It scares the living right out of me. It FREAKS ME OUT, almost as much as spiders! However, I realized last time I wrote, that since I'm feeling called to write, and writing about what is on my heart, I'm learning to heal from things. This will be better for me then for anyone else if I just give up my control and do as I'm told.

Seriously, don't we wish that of our children at times? Like, NO just do it my way...please I'm begging you! So here I am trying to do it HIS way instead of mine.

Could you call me out if you don't see me writing enough? Maybe throw a topic or 2 at me....;)

What is enough? If you don't see 1-2 posts a week...then I'm not writing enough, deal?

I know I tried to do the whole #write365 thing, but I was like nah, I don't have to do that. I quit.

SO lets try this again....1-2 posts a week for the future. Okay? No post all week..CALL ME OUT! Check in with me, whatever you must do to make sure I'm not falling into my trap of disobedience?

Thank you in advance!!!

~*Signing off*~
#warriorprincessKJ

Raw thoughts, no plan.

Hello lovely readers,

Sorry I've been away for so long. I've had a few moments of "I should blog this" or "i'm feeling ready to write" yet I've avoided it. Found other things to do, other uses of my time.

Today though, I just really feel the need to share my failure.

I've been attending a bootcamp now for almost 2 months. We've started this challenge, and 2 times a week, we have work out challenges we have to do. Knowing that today's challenges included pull ups and push-ups. I struggled to get out of bed.

I struggled to get moving this morning.
I struggled to get in the door.

I made it.
I got up, got EJ to preschool and went to camp. Got on the floor, did the warm up. Got assigned the pull-ups in the first station.

Great.

Pull-ups.

I knew this was coming. I asked my husband last week, if I can just get one pull up out, "will you be proud of me?" I wanted to hear a flat out 'yes, but I'm already proud of you for what you've accomplished.' My husband is a man of few words. I'm realizing right now, as I type this, because I never sit down prepared to write a certain thing, I just let the words come out. I've been trying to get his approval, he appreciation, I want to know he is proud of me. I want him to tell me that, without me prompting him.

Well, I got up on the box step, knowing it wasn't worth trying it unassisted, I went straight to the blue band. The last option, the tool that is suppose to make it the easiest.

Arms up.
and GO! Up....no, I went down, and could not pull up! Not even an inch.

I tried again. Down I went.

Finally reached out to the trainer and was told if I couldn't do one, then I could do these type that lay down sort of and that would work.

So I failed. I failed my dream of doing ONE pull up.

I didn't give up on that dream, it will happen, but it might be months.

I cried, I let evil thoughts in my heads.

I went through the rest of the upper body protocol, and got back to station one...the pull-ups.

Guess what, I didn't go straight back to the TRX bands, I went back up to the box. I was determined to try it again.

I tried it again...two more times, and I failed. I had to come to the realization that, I was not going to do a pull up today. I don't believe I quit, and I don't believe I gave up. I went back to the TRX bands and knocked out 15 modified pull ups.

Getting 1 pull up in today, would not have changed my life. My husband probably would not have told me he was proud of me. He just doesn't do those things. It doesn't change who I am. I am still KJ, child of the King.

My Father, is still proud of me, He loves me with or without a push up. In fact, he knows the EXACT date I will finally get that pull up in. How cool is that?!

I was searching for approval in the wrong place, and that has come to a head...right now. The only approval I need, I have. Because Its not about what I achieve its about what I receive. The day I accepted Christ I received his LOVE and APPROVAL every day, no matter what.

I failed today, but I learned today.
I will fail at something tomorrow, hopefully I will learn again.
One day I will get that pull up in, and if I don't...well at least I can full back on my push ups ;) (162 in 10 minutes for those of you wondering)

Thanks for working through my emotions with me.

Signing off
#warriorprincessKJ

Changes....

So I've made some changes this week....

I walked into a bootcamp my friend recommended with the intentions of just checking it out...an hour later I was walking out having signed up for the trial and all sweaty....good think my normal every day clothes double as workout clothes.

While I'm at bootcamp I struggle....a lot. 

I hate that, I hate to struggle, I usually only do things that I'm good at and that don't hurt. 

As much as I hate the struggle and the pain...I absolutely love this place!!! Its a place I feel comfortable at, a place where I feel I fit in. I knew one person when I went, one time. Other than that, its been me...meeting new people, all with a common goal to get healthy. 

Sure we are all at different skill levels. I can not hold a plank for more than 10 seconds...but others can hold a plank with weights on their backs, for Minutes!!! Sure they can hold their wall sits...and I cry through trying to hold mine for 3 seconds.....However, we are all accepted and encouraged and there for one another.

Sure, I don't know their names. I'm sure I'll learn them all some day. However, bonds are forming right there on that mat, with the sticky sweaty, KJ and it's pretty awesome.

The other pretty awesome thing....3 days in....I actually still have energy...I'm not dying at 5:30 on Friday night. I've even ran after my 2 year old tonight!!! What the what?!

Between the working out and the diet change...I'm positive that is what is causing my energy changes :)

Can't wait to see what the next 3 days do ;)

Signing off

#warriorprincessKJ

Day 4

I'm just letting you all know I started day 4...got distracted and it took a turn for the worse.

I'm saving it, just not publishing it.


Thanks Dear Readers.


not feeling like
#warriorPrincessKJ at all.

Night.

Day 3

I don't have a lot to say today as its late. I just wanted to share my other #write365 goal for myself. I found this scripture writing plan http://www.swtblessings.com/2015/12/january-scripture-writing-plan.html?m=1 and have decided I'm going to do this as a part of my writing. It won't always coordinate and I won't always be able to do them both. However I plan to stay on schedule! I missed yesterday so I did two days today,etc.

If you'll notice on the photo some circles words. Those are what I've gotten from that verse. My key words. Before I sat down todo it tonight, I was just thinking about doing and the thought "your word of the year is love" came to mind. Did you read yesterday's post? I admit I need to learn to love better so I went with it. Then I started writing out Jan 2 scripture and the first sentence included steadfast love...coincidence? I think not.

Will you pray with me that I can learn to love those in my life with a steadfast love just like God loves me??!?! 

~*Signing Off*~

#warriorprincessKJ

#write365

#love2016

Day 2

Honestly....nothing comes to mind, other than "I need to write today"

Just read my daily verse from You Version, my bible app.

It's 1 Corinthians 13: 2

The Message Version:

"If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump" and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing."

Kind of fitting after yesterday.

I did not love well yesterday.

AB really truly annoyed me yesterday and instead of holding on to that boy for dear life and letting him know that no matter what he says and does to me, I will always love him, I yelled.

I got angry. I got rude. I sunk to his level.

Come to think of it, I did not love that much better today, either.

There are few people in my life who really annoy me, and instead of loving them, I've allowed myself to be judgmental of them, and rag on the them, and gossip about them.

Instead of praying for them, and my feelings towards them. I've allowed myself to be no better than them. Their actions are immature and rude, but so are mine.

How is that Christ like love?

It's NOT.

Praying I can learn to have love...but more importantly to have love to give away to others.

~*Signing Off*~
#warriorprincessKJ
#write365

Day 1

Hello lovely readers!

I hope you had an amazing Christmas, and I would like to wish you all an amazing New Year!!!

I'm really struggling with what to write about these days, but since I started this challenge I'm going to see what comes.

Currently I'm watching my 10 year old son, 'clean' his room. I really don't understand how it is so hard for one person to do the one task at hand.

Do you think that's what God wonders too?

"KJ, I've told you since April...1000 times, to write, to tell people your story, why is it so hard for you to do? Why aren't you doing it yet?"

I'm sure that is why HE puts these thoughts in my head right?

Thankfully for me, God has more patience then my human self. If God hounded me and YELLED at me the way I've been on AB all day to get his job done, I'm sure I would be in a way different spot.

I'm also not jumping all over the room getting distracted by every little thing, but is the laundry or the dishes, or that tv show, really more important than being obedient?

So...Here is to the next 365 days :)

We got this right?!

#wrtie365
~*Signing off*~

#warriorprincessKJ